Bending

So my day starts off slowly, no where to travel to, nothing dire to get done, a day like most days since I arrived back from Las Vegas two weeks ago.  This change has been good for me.  I could not feel my being amid the chaotic business of life on the edge in a metropolis.  Now I feel it and with it I'm aware of the pointless thoughts that occasionally arise as a remnant from the recent past.  I see the insanity now of how important I thought they were at that time now that they have been rendered completely mute.

Being can be present in any situation once you are accustomed to being that and only that but for most of us an unhurried peaceful situation is although not necessary helpful.  So it is for me as I sit here writing, feeling the energy, and accepting any turn the day may bring.

So I'm bending even when my mind objects to it.  When it does the insight that fear is always the motivation behind the resistance comes to me.  Any irritation I feel is always because I'm making a judgement about the situation that somehow for whatever reason "it's just not right, fair, or not what I would choose for myself if I had a choice."  More and more, as I connect to the truth of who I am, the situations diminish and when they do arise, I don't react to them.   In this way, I open a path allowing peace instead of conflict to manifest.

As once I used to be run by my negative emotions, I'm accepting them now.  I don't try to hide from them or cover them up by some distraction.  Sometimes I have to sit with them.  I just close my eyes and go right into the feeling.  Most of the time they dissolve or at least I can see the imaginary limiting belief that caused them.  Other times, they linger for awhile as anxiety but as long as I don't object to "That" they eventually fade and something else arises.

So all in all, things are peaceful.  I've given up hearing from the jobs I applied for conceding that either they just aren't hiring or I'm not meant to go in that direction anyway.  If the latter is true (which I suspect it is) I'm doing what I've always wanted to do, living in the moment and being able to write about that.  If I ever figure out a way to make a sustainable no matter how modest living at this, I'll have realized a long time dream of mine.

Whatever happens, I'll just continue to say "Yes" to this moment because saying "No" just causes suffering and I've had enough of that for one lifetime.